TAIPEI -- Legislators belonging to Taiwan's Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) were incensed yesterday when they learned that the Mongolian government is proceeding with oil exploration plans without consent from the Republic of China.
"We can't let the Mongolians get away with this," one unnamed lawmaker was quoted as saying. "Mongolia, as defined by our constitution, is part of the R.O.C.'s sovereign territory. Any oil found there, and all the revenues thereof, rightfully belongs to us."
"We demand that Presi... -- er, make that MISTER -- Ma immediately recalls our ambassador from Ulan Bator to let them know we mean business. Mongolia needs to be reminded that its territory is historically, geographically and legally a part of the R.O.C."
"Right now, I don't think any of us are ruling out war as a last resort, by Guang Gong's beard!" the veteran legislator added.
To the dismay of his party colleagues, Taiwanese president Ma Ying-jeou has so far remained curiously silent about the crisis. However, sources close to the former Tiaoyutai warrior have informed the public that Ma has given the go-ahead for a fleet of American-built F-16s to escort a single passenger airliner into Mongolian airspace on Wednesday.
While there, the Taiwanese commuter craft is expected to carry a number of "One China" activists, who will express their displeasure at Mongolian splittism with the traditional shouting of slogans and throwing of water bottles.
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Note to the reader: While it kind of kills the point of satire to actually SAY it's satire, I don't want some poor unsuspecting websurfer to get the false impression that any of this really happened. So yes, it's satire. None of it happened. Or at least, it didn't happen EXACTLY like this . . .
Nonetheless, it serves to illustrate the larger point that it'd be a whole lot easier to sympathize with the Republic of China's claims over the Senkaku Islands if they weren't just another item on Taiwan's absurd laundry list of territorial pretensions.
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