The Foreigner in Formosa

Innocent Until Proven Unemployed

Horrible, horrible story in Taiwan about a drunken man who had an argument with his live-in girlfriend, and to get even, drops their 10-month old daughter into a pot of boiling noodles.  Scalded over 95% of her body.

Girl lingers a few days in hospital, then dies.  Hard to see how this guy doesn't get the death penalty, but he WAS drunk, so I guess some judge might view that as an extenuating circumstance. *

Anyways, that's the background for this:

The Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) caucus yesterday urged the Ministry of the Interior to include alcoholics and those who have been unemployed for a long period of time in the ministry’s database for observation in a bid to prevent potential domestic violence and child abuse.

Ho.  Lee.  Crap.  Taiwan's KMT wants the government to SPY on its own citizens.

Correction:  It's already happening.

Minister of the Interior Liao Liou-yi (廖了以) on Monday vowed to pour more resources into reducing domestic violence by expanding its database of high-risk families.

At present, the database only includes children whose parents have alcohol and drug addictions or families that often have arguments.

I've never heard of this before.  Any OTHER Big Brother-esque databases here we should be aware of?
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* I'm a little ashamed to say, but my initial reaction was that the culprit should be asked to do the right thing -- then placed in a room alone with his conscience for ten minutes with a single bullet and pistol.

Terrible idea, of course.  If it became common practice, you'd have suicides and "suicides" occurring in every jail in Taiwan.  So, due process is where it's at.

Wednesday's Taipei Times included one detail that wasn't mentioned in previous reports:

The mother reportedly dared the man after he threatened to throw the infant into water being used to make noodles.

OK, that's really not cool, either.  You don't dare somebody with impaired judgment to do something stupid, dangerous or just downright evil.  You don't do that in the West -- and you certainly don't do that in Taiwan, which has a whole "face culture" dynamic to exacerbate the situation.

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UPDATE:  The mother in the case may indeed be charged for her role.

It was reported that the mother might also face charges of incitement to commit murder for daring her drunken partner to toss the girl into the pot during an argument.

A Quick Look At The Olympic Charter

Nothing there about freedom per se, though the second fundamental principal of Olympism does hint at it (see page 12 of the pdf link):

The goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development of man, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity.  [emphasis added]

Therefore (in theory at least), the goal of Olympism IS freedom -- for without it, men have the dignity of serfs or slaves.  Which is why the pro-slavery views of Jackie Chan make him unsuitable for the job of spokesman for Taiwan's Deaflympics:

"I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled.  If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want."  --  Jackie Chan

Tuesday's China Post attempted to defend Chan's job as Taiwan's Deaflympics spokesman, on the basis of . . . free speech.

Which is a straw man, because Chan's free speech isn't the issue.  As a free man, it's Jackie Chan's right to express his odious wish that he and all other Chinese should be servile.  For speaking his mind, I do not advocate that he be jailed, fined, or hauled in front of a human rights tribunal by any government.  Nor do I hear anyone demanding that the State retaliate against his economic interests, banning his movies or otherwise damaging his livelihood.

The Post asks:

After all, aren't democracy champions also the champions of freedom and equal rights for every individual?

Indeed they are -- but that doesn't mean that democracy champions are obligated to accept anti-democrats as their SPOKESMEN!

It's a similar issue to the whole Durban II "Anti-racism" Conference.  The UN holds an international meeting on anti-racism . . . then invites MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD as a keynote speaker?

Whatsa matter?  David Duke and "high-class" Chinese nationalist Kuo Kuan-ying weren't available?

Here's a clue for UN Secretary Dim-Bulb Ban Ki-moon:  If you want your little anti-racism shindig to have any credibility, it's MAYBE not a good idea to give the limelight to hallucinatory psychotics who're jonesing for genocide.

And here's another clue for Ban's counterparts at the China Post:  If Taiwan wants a spokesman for freedom and human dignity, it's contradictory to hire Jackie Chan.  He's already got a job, moonlighting as a spokesman for governmental repression.

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UPDATE:  One other thing.  Companies and organizations hire spokesmen in order to create GOODWILL for their products or events.  If a celebrity (for whatever reason) isn't creating that goodwill, then shouldn't someone ELSE be given their job instead?

Apropos of this, CNN has a long list of commercial pitchmen who were fired for offenses ranging from raunchy speech (Madonna) to partisan speech (Whoopi Goldberg) to bitter divorces (Burt Reynolds).

That's life.  All of these celebrities have the right of free speech.  What they do not have is the right to keep their lucrative endorsement jobs after they send product sales down the toilet.

Iranian Delegate To UN Anti-Racism Conference Calls Holocaust Survivor a Nazi

Why exactly, is America borrowing money from CHINA to help pay for this farce?

Falun Gong At The Lake Of The Sun And The Moon

Chinese tourists to Sun Moon Lake in Taiwan are being treated to disturbing evidence of their government's persecution of Falun Gong.  And there are objections aplenty:

Following complaints from several tourists, the director of the Sun Moon Lake National Scenic Area Administration said yesterday it did not know how to deal with the Falun Gong protesters at the nation’s premier scenic spot.

Tseng Kuo-chi (曾國基), director of administration, told the Taipei Times in a telephone interview that the protests by Falun Gong members were directed at Chinese tourists, who normally visit Sun Moon Lake, Alishan, the National Palace Museum and other popular tourist attractions.

Chinese tourists may have been the targets, but a Canadian visitor to the lake was found to be unhappy as well:

The Taipei Times contacted Tseng after it ran a letter on Monday from Canadian Paul Gallien, a high school teacher who visited Sun Moon Lake last week and was disturbed by a Falun Gong display he saw at one of the shoreline temples.

“Part of the display included very graphic images of dead bodies, including a pregnant woman with parts of her skin and flesh removed revealing an unborn child within the womb,” Gallien wrote.

[...]

Traveling with his two-year-old daughter and her five-year-old cousin, Gallien said he doubted the two youngsters “have necessary faculties to avoid being traumatized by such photographs.” 

Even though I don't have children, I know where he's coming from.  On the other hand, the Canadian government requires cigarette makers to print gruesome images on cigarette packs, in an effort to discourage people from smoking.  51 billion cigarettes sold yearly in Canada works out to . . . oh, I don't know HOW many packs.  But it's a good bet Mr. Gallien's kids will come across at least some of these at grandpa's house or the neighbor's living room or even as litter on the side of the road.

(You oughtta see the anti-smoking warnings the Aussie government requires.  Hope you're not eating when you take a gander at the gangrened foot.)

If governments mandate the printing of nasty photos to educate people on societal ills, they have absolutely no room to object when private individuals or organizations do likewise.

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POSTSCRIPT:  Personally, I'm of the notion that "The Lake of the Sun and the Moon" is whole lot more poetic than the Chinglishy "Sun Moon Lake."

(Image from Travel to Taiwan blog)

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UPDATE:  Now, I guess I can't object if the Taiwanese government tries to REASON with the Falun Gong group about this.  Certainly, if I was a member of that religion, I would have concerns that distasteful images might turn some observers against my cause.  But if Falun Gong wants to run that risk, then that's their business.

UPDATE #2:  Falun Gong displays grisly photos outside a provincial legislature in Mr. Gallien's home country.  A few kids may have walked by, I dunno.

UPDATE #3:  Falun Gong displays similar pictures on a shanty outside a Chinese consulate in Vancouver, B.C. for 7 or 8 years.  On a public sidewalk.

(The mayor, under pressure from China, eventually got his way and had the hut dismantled.  While the fate of the structure is being appealed, Falun Gong adherents are nonetheless still at liberty to protest AND DISPLAY THEIR PICTURES outside the consulate, minus their makeshift hut.)

All this is not to pick on Mr. Gallien, whom I sympathize with.  I simply point out that Falun Gong is free to use graphic images in public places within Gallien's home country to protest China's ill treatment of their co-religionists.

So why should they not have that very same right in Taiwan as well?

UPDATE #4:  Now that Taiwan's opened the door to the Chinese, we can probably expect opponents of the regime to be attacked by hired goons or mobsters, as was done in this case.

UPDATE (Apr 23/09):  Wednesday's Taipei Times' editorial on the issue.

Compare and Contrast

"The Moment is freedom. — I couldn't live by a rigid schedule. I try to live freely from moment to moment, letting things happen and adjusting to them."

- Bruce Lee

“I’m not sure if it’s good to have freedom or not.  I’m really confused now.  If you’re too free, you’re like the way Hong Kong is now.  It’s very chaotic.  Taiwan is also chaotic.  I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled.  If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

- Jackie Chan

Strictly speaking, there's really NO comparison.

Would The KMT Have Won Last Year's Elections In Such A Big Way

. . . if they'd openly campaigned on a platform of turning Taiwan into Beijing's offshore brothel? 

Somehow, I kinda doubt it.  But as I was reading over the China Post's latest editorial supporting the-policy-Chinese-Nationalists-dared-not-speak-of-until-they-won-power, it struck me.  Why, didn't the Post used to go on and on about how MORALLY-DEPRAVED Taiwan had become once the KMT had lost the presidency?

Yes, they did.  So it's pretty entertaining to watch these self-appointed watchdogs of societal morality now cheerleading plans to legalize PROSTITUTION.

SEF Head Unrepentant Over Son's PRC Ties

The chairman of the Taiwanese organization tasked with negotiating with China . . . has a family member who was doing business with China.

These aren't the droids you're looking for . . .

[Straits Exchange Foundation Chairman Chiang Pin-kung said that although] his son’s company won a contract to represent China’s state-owned steel company, it did not need a special permit because any private company can sell the products.  Besides, Chiang said, the contract expired in January and was not renewed, he said.  [emphasis added]

Well, that makes it alright then . . .

The office in Shanghai is closed and he had asked his family to decrease business ties with China since he took office, he said.

Chiang said he knew very little about his son’s business and rarely asked about it. He also said that he had not used his position to secure any business deals for his son.  [emphasis added]

If you say so, Chiang . . .

The [SEF] statement said [Chiang's son] had resigned from a joint venture and a foundation to avoid any conflict of interest.

Ah.  So at least ONE person realized there was a potential conflict of interest here . . .

He said he hoped the media would be more supportive of him and the cross-strait negotiation team.

Farmer Bao:  Is that a thief I hear in my hen house?

Answer:  There ain't nobody here but us chickens!

Speaking of which, Taiwan's Chinese Nationalist Party was quick to defend that strangely-out-of-place voice emerging from the hen house:

[Mainland Affairs Council Chairwoman Lai Shin-yuan said] that Chiang was not a “policymaker” or “negotiator” in cross-strait affairs, but rather the “executor” of the council’s policy and that the Chiang issue was therefore “irrelevant.

I . . . see.  Chiang is the CHAIRMAN of Taiwan's Straits Exchange Foundation -- but he has absolutely NOTHING to do with the organization's policies or negotiations. 

(No doubt the poor guy just comes in 3 times a week to mop up and clean the windows.  So lay off him, already !)

Support from another quarter:

[KMT caucus whip Lin Yi-shih] said the [sovereignty-minded opposition party's] criticism was unreasonable as “by DPP logic, family members of a company chairman should all be barred from working for a company and depend on [the chairman] for a living.”

It may come as a surprise to nepotism-lovin' Lin, but some large corporations categorically forbid the hiring of family members.  From the (American) National Conference of State Legislatures:

Nepotism in business, as in public service, brings both costs and benefits. The positive aspects of nepotism include: lower recruiting costs; less employee turnover; higher levels of loyalty, trust and satisfaction; and a sense of "ownership," according to the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.  Those businesses that discourage nepotism do so because it may cause problems with favoritism, discipline, fraud, confidentiality and liability.  [emphasis added]

Makes sense to me.  Lots of small mom-and-pop operations hire family members because the benefits of doing so outweigh the disadvantages.  For larger operations, the situation may be reversed, and it's rational for corporations to adopt anti-nepotism policies.

Flash quiz:  Which organization does the country of Taiwan more closely resemble?  A mom-and-pop convenience store on the corner?  Or a large corporation?
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*  Despite Lin Yi-shih's retrograde views on nepotism and conflict-of-interest, I must extend grudging admiration to the KMT for choosing a former dentist to be their party whip.  No, really.  I simply cannot imagine a better man for the job. 

(Cue Steve Martin, from Little Shop of Horrors.)

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POSTSCRIPT:  The title of this post is shamelessly paraphrased from the Taipei Times' original, "SEF head regretful over son's PRC ties."  Paraphrased, because it turns out that the SEF chairman is decidedly NOT regretful over his son's PRC ties.  As Shaw-Chang Maa of the SEF puts it:

Chairman Chiang and his family never abused his position to secure any business for themselves, so in his mind what he feels regretful is particular media reports based on fake information which could potentially do disadvantages to future cross-strait talks.

I earlier quoted someone from the Mainland Affairs Council who swore up and down that Chiang WASN'T a "policymaker" or "negotiator".  That this conflict-of-interest was "irrelevant".

Yet now, Shaw-Chang Maa comes forward and says that media silence about Chiang's conflicts-of-interest is CRUCIAL to Taiwan's economic well-being.

Maybe some folks ought to sit down and get their talking-points straight.

China Exports Baby Powder Contaminated With Asbestos

Yeesh.  The story, as I understand it, goes like this.  A German baby product company, NUK, licenses its name to a South Korean company.  The South Korean company begins to produce baby powder, under the NUK trademark.  Unfortunately, they use imported talc tainted with asbestos from China.

The asbestos hits the fan when the South Korean FDA finds out.  The baby powder gets pulled from the shelves.

Irony:  Some of the NUK baby powder from South Korea got re-exported back into China.  So, right back atcha.

Hysterical Japan-Baiting

Joe Hung at Taiwan's China Post really outdid himself yesterday:

The pro-American Liberal Democratic government of Prime Minister Taro Aso is teetering on the verge of collapse, while a much more conservative leader, Ichiro Ozawa of the Democratic Party, is still likely -- all but certain, if not held in check my the political contribution scandal -- to come to power, come September.  If he does, Japan is all set to go nuclear to protect itself against hostile North Korea.  [emphasis added]

Japan's about to aquire nuclear weapons, Joe?  Boy, sure hope the CIA's been informed!

Dr. Hung continues:

Japan has a no-war constitution.

One of its unchanging fundamental policies is not to make or own nuclear weapons of mass destruction [sic].  But Japan is also a nation capable of making an instant about-face . . . [emphasis added]

Why, those sneaky Japs.  On Monday, they fool us with all this pacifism-this, and non-violence-that, and then BAMMO !  Next thing you know, they're nukin' Nanking !

Now, I'll be the first to admit I don't know much about Ichiro Ozawa.  On the one hand, this link suggests he favors Japan strengthening Japanese-American relations by extending military help to America for U.N.-approved missions (Afghanistan -- hai, Iraq -- nain).  And on the other, this source predicts he'd weaken those ties, by drawing CLOSER to China.

Beats me which is right.  But I'd believe EITHER of those predictions over Hung's Japan-as-Iran fantasy, any day.

KMT Moots New Job-Creation Program

What, didn't you see this coming?

1)  Record number of Chinese tourists in Taiwan

     AsiaOne.com reports:

Daily tourist arrivals from China hit 4,600 [on March 22/09], according to the newspaper [the Economic Daily].

2)  [KMT] Legislator proposes bill to decriminalize prostitution

Hey, a lot of average Joe Ho's love their ho's.  And think of the damage to Sino-Taiwanese relations if some two-bit sheriff somewhere were to turn around and ARREST them for it !

Now the thing is, I'm actually pretty libertarian on prostitution and drug legalization issues.  So ideologically-speaking, I ought to be applauding the KMT on this one.

But the timing is rather suspect.  And just because I'm libertarian on this doesn't mean I can't be cynical about it as well.

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UPDATE:  I should note that Taiwan's Chinese Nationalist Party isn't all of one mind on the issue:

KMT Legislator Lee Hung-chun (李鴻鈞) said Cheng’s proposal was “controversial.” It would be unreasonable to seek to legalize the sex trade while, at the same time, the National Communications Commission was banning TV commercials that accentuated women’s breasts, he said.

THERE'S the problem in a nutshell.  Too many KMT politicians are pro-China; too darn few of them are pro-Cleavage.

UPDATE #2:  I understand the new tourism slogan will be, "Taiwan:  Touch (A Lot More Than Just) Your Heart"

UPDATE #3:  Heh.  Some hardware geeks from Australia agree the Yao Yao and Shu Shu ads should be banned -- not because they're exploitative of women, but because their voices are so annoying.

UPDATE #4:  Another heh.

UPDATE #5:  "Doctor, you forgot your calipers."  The immortal scene from The Aviator.

No Way. Taiwanese Women Can't Be That Stupid

Can they?

Despite the tighter regulations, tobacco companies [in Taiwan] still market fruit-flavored cigarettes to young ladies to give the impression that smoking these cigarettes has the same health benefits as eating fruit , the anti-smoking group John Tung Foundation said.

"Many young ladies, perhaps because they are unable to consume enough servings of fruit, believe that by smoking peach [cigarettes], they are getting the same amount of nutrition as they would from a real peach,” said Lin Ching-li (林清麗), director of the foundation’s Tobacco Control Division. “This is completely wrong, but young ladies pass it on to each other and create this kind of misconception.”  [emphasis added]

I'm essentially left with the choice of believing young women in Taiwan are really, REALLY dumb, or that an anti-smoking NGO is playing fast and loose with the facts.  Think I prefer to go with #2, thank you very much.

No Problem With Ma As KMT Chief?

Should presidents (or prime ministers) of democratic countries accept dual roles as chairmen of their parties as well?  It's a question I confess not having thought much about, but I suppose that if the posts are held by different people, the line is more clearly demarcated between party and state affairs.

Dr. William Fang of the China Post believes the opposite , arguing that Taiwanese president Ma Ying-jeou should, in addition to his current job, become chairman of the Chinese Nationalist Party as well:

First it must be noted that in advanced democracies such as the United States and Great Britain, heads of the parties in power are also the highest administrative leaders of these countries.  No one accuses these rulers of being power-thirsty because they use their power [while simultaneously holding these two jobs] prudently and wisely to advance the interests of their nations.  [emphasis added]

The strength of Fang's case is unfortunately weakened by the fact that he's flat-out wrong.  America's president is currently Barack Obama (from the Democratic Party) -- but the chairman of the Democratic party is not Obama:  It's Virginia Governor Tim Kaine.

As for Great Britain, its current prime minister is Gordon Brown (of the Labour Party).  But the chair of the Labour Party is not Brown:  It's a woman named Cathy Speight (to verify, click here and scroll down a couple of pages).

Now, perhaps there ARE examples of democratic countries where politicians successfully juggle roles as executives of both the party and the state.  America and the U.K. however, are not countries on that list.

Something For The Mean Streets Of Taipei

French scooter-mounted cannon

GhostNet At The Feast

David Gelernter, the computer scientist who was maimed by the Unabomber a few years back, discusses the discovery of a Trojan horse program originating from China:

Last weekend, a report by researchers at the Munk Center of the University of Toronto revealed "GhostNet," a computer espionage virus that had infected around 1,300 computers worldwide--including many "high value" targets where diplomatic and national security information was stored . . .  Experts disagree on whether the evidence proves China's guilt or merely suggests it overwhelmingly.  [emphasis added]

Nice turn of phrase there.  The Chinese government's reaction was certainly telling.  Chinese officials COULD have calmly announced that **ahem** freelance hackers must be at fault, and that they'd launch an investigation to find those responsible.

Instead what the world heard was the shoe on the table.  LIES, LIES, these are all LIES!  Those devious CANADIAN schemers are trying to start a new COLD WAR for their own malicious purposes!

Very . . . Kremlinesque.  China launches Cold War-style cyber attacks -- then accuses the VICTIMS of its attacks of trying to start a Cold War.

Gelernter outlines why China's cyberwarfare was so difficult to uncover:

The focused nature of the attack helped it succeed. Businesses and other organizations that detect viruses are less likely to notice and get hold of a new virus that attacks a mere thousand computers instead of hundreds of thousands. Until the target organizations do get hold of the virus, they can't analyze it and use "signature detection" and related techniques to warn users when infected cyberstuff arrives on their machines.  [emphasis added]

His conclusion?

GhostNet reminds us that the new Cold War won't be fought with the threats and weapons of the old one.  Americans might have less trouble keeping in mind occupied Tibet, the war on Chinese Christianity, the imprisonment and torture of political dissidents and members of Falun Gong, the one-child-only decree and other specimens of PRC tyranny if they didn't find Asian-on-Asian violence so deucedly boring.  Instead of paying attention to those issues, we simper about mutual respect and cooperation--without acknowledging the fact that China is today the world's most powerful Evil Empire.  The Soviets favored large armies and nuclear arsenals, but China is our new Cold War enemy, and her favorite weapons will also be novel: financial weapons, trade weapons, cyberweapons.  Welcome to Cold War II.  [emphasis added]

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UPDATE:  Just ran across reports of Chinese cyber-warfare against India, from the Truth about China blog.  More about that from the Times of India.

"I Can't Imagine Anything So Heartlessly Wickedly Cruel"

If memory serves, that's a line from Brideshead Revisited, when Lady Marchmain dresses down Charles Ryder for deliberately giving her alcoholic son money for drink.

A story about how a Taiwanese local government similarly subsidizes alcoholism, from Monday's China Post:

Thanks to the lucrative business of a distilling company, residents of [Taiwan's] offshore Kinmen County started getting their "KKL liquor vouchers" distributed by the county government yesterday.

Magistrate Lee Chu-feng said the "KKL liquor vouchers" -- which allows each resident to get NT$3,600 [about $100 U.S.]  worth of the products of Kinmen Kaoliang Liquor, Inc. (KKL) -- are a bounty to all people living and working on the islets under the jurisdiction of the county government.

[. . .]

Magistrate Lee said 85,143 residents are entitled to the vouchers.

The fund comes from the profits of Kinmen Kaoliang Liquor, which is owned by the county government.  [emphasis added]

Fortunately, the Kinmen county government doesn't own shares in the local heroin business.  That they're willing to publicize, anyways.

A year or two back I went back to my home town, and was taken aback to see a liquor store RIGHT NEXT DOOR to a homeless shelter in the downtown.  Now, I'm about as pro-capitalist as they come, but anybody who'd open a liquor store next to a homeless shelter has got a pretty black heart.

And that goes ditto for any government that does essentially the same thing.

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UPDATE: I'm fairly certain I've misquoted Evelyn Waugh for the title.  The "heartlessly wickedly cruel" part is right, though.

Bogus Hocus Pocus

This story's a few weeks old.  Sure instills confidence in the Taiwanese legal system, doesn't it?

Owner of haunted Kaohsiung flat gets refund

A Tainan district court judge ruled Monday [that the buyer of a "haunted" apartment] could return the flat to the [previous] owner, who had to pay back all the money.

The owner told the judge she didn't know the house was haunted . . .

But the owner had guaranteed the house was not haunted.

"Because you guaranteed it," the judge told the owner, "you have to take responsibility."

So without any REAL evidence, a judge in Taiwan invalidated a legal real estate transaction, based upon the fiction that the apartment was "haunted".

Goodness, I'm going to have to give this a try sometime:

The Foreigner:  Your honor, denizens from the spirit world have informed me that the wicked sorcerer Ma Ying-jeou has cast an evil spell upon the land, blighting this year's mango crop.  I demand he be burned at the stake.

Taiwanese Judge:  Okey-dokey.

Praise Be To Allah

Shariah law.  What's not to like?

Pakistani authorities ordered inquiries into a video showing the public flogging of a screaming woman in a northwestern valley where officials have yielded to Taliban demands for Islamic law [in accordance with a peace agreement].

The actual footage can be found here.  But as provincial Thuggee Arshad Abdullah says, "Let's not judge our deal by this video."

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UPDATE (Apr 8/09):  A reaction to the video at Forbes.

The One World, One Dream Tower . . . In New York

Hmmm.

Chinese Nationalist Nitwits Punked By April Fool's Gag

First heard about this on Michael Turton's site.  Saturday's Taipei Times tells the story:

The hoax article titled “Pandemonium breaks out at Taipei Zoo” said that Tuan Tuan (團團) and Yuan Yuan (圓圓), the two pandas that arrived in December as gifts from China, were discovered to be Wenzhou brown forest bears dyed black and white after zoo workers noticed unusual sexual behavior.

The next day, Taiwan's China Post had more details:

[Taipei] Zoo spokesman Jason King said the zoo was flooded with phone calls from as far afield as Britain, Japan and Canada, whose callers asked if the pandas were forest bears in disguise.

O-kaaay.  Here's one big clue in the original story all those geniuses seemed to miss:

The Taipei Zoo’s . . . Connie Liu (劉長春), said she became suspicious when the pandas . . . began to spend almost all of their waking hours having sex. Pandas are notorious for their low libidos, which make them difficult to breed in captivity.

. . . “They would do it doggy-style and every armchair zoologist knows that pandas favor the missionary position — when they do it at all. Their behavior caused chaos. Children screamed and parents became irate.”  [emphasis added]

Now, the thing to remember is that newspapers are generally a bit Victorian in their use of language.  No serious article will ever, EVER contain the expression, "doggy-style."

(The part about pandas favoring the missionary position should have been a dead-giveaway, too.  Jeez, when I was 10 or 12 years old I knew that human beings were almost unique in the animal kingdom in their usage of the missionary position. * )

Speaking of that . . .

Taipei Zoo director Jason Yeh (葉傑生) did not see the funny side either and expressed concern about the prank’s negative impact on panda conservation education.

“The story carried incorrect information on panda behavior and could mislead the public,” he said. “The Taipei Zoo made a lot of effort to get the pandas at the zoo and we don’t want to see our efforts being destroyed.”

Golly, Mr. Yeh, maybe the truth is that your zoo just hasn't been doing a very good job in the education department.  What have YOU been doing to inform zoo-goers that pandas prefer the, ah, ventro-dorsal position?

Glad to see the Taipei Times isn't apologizing to the likes of Jason Yeh and the Chinese Communist Party's paid mob of professional complainers.  Folks've got a bad case of humor-deficit disorder if they can't laugh at lines like this:

“Whenever the moaning from the panda enclosure gets too loud we gotta go in there and hose ’em down with cold water,” [a zookeeper] said.

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* A quick google shows that a few other animals DO use the missionary (ventro-ventral) position.  Mostly whales, it looks like -- and on rare occassions, chimps and gorillas.

Poetic Justice For George Galloway

Heh.  George "Freedom of speech is not an absolute" Galloway applauds the British government for denying entry to Geert Wilders -- then cries like a baby when the Canadian government denies entry to HIM.

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UPDATE (Apr 4/09):  Will the REAL Mr. Galloway please stand up?  Galloway's lawyers now argue that "free expression is the matrix of every other freedom."